


But I wish I was dead (dead like you)

by prettylolitaharry



Series: I'll never let you down [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bit of Fluff, Character Death soon, Death, Depression, I suck at tags, If You Squint - Freeform, Insecure Harry, Insecure Louis, Just enjoy, M/M, No Smut, Sad, Songfic, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1254811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylolitaharry/pseuds/prettylolitaharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I don't wanna wake up from this tonight.'</p><p>Louis and Harry. They love, lust, and hate. It's so wrong to be like this. They should just love like normal people, but they are far from normal. They fight each other and break. They also break and at the end of the night they make promises that they know will be broken anyway. Louis pushes Harry, and Harry pushes back as well.</p><p>''All's fair in love and war."</p>
            </blockquote>





	But I wish I was dead (dead like you)

Love, they say it can't be explained with words. It really can't, but its not as magical as they say. It's more like a feeling that you haven't felt before yet, your so scared and tired. Always waiting for one person to break, the other to leave. Sometimes you feel love but never expirence it with the person you want.

* * *

 

A drop here, another there, and one more here. The more you cry the more you hurt. _Boys don't cry and nor should you_. Sorry I meant to say that I stopped showing my emotions long time before. When people describe pain its horrific, and really its the only way you can explain it. For me its just a normal feeling. So when you meet someone you care about, you run. _Why stay, when you can run away?_ You run away and keep running, then of course you get caught. You feel how much that person also cares. Feel something that hurts you, that makes you confused, tired, too dizzy. It clouds your thoughts, it makes you distant, and most of all scared. A type of scare that should always be locked away. So when your heartbreak comes, you feel fine because all that fear is locked away, far away within you. Yet it breaks away from its box. It brings you down, maybe you fall hard and pick yourself up , or you just move on with pain. It chokes you and hurts you. Help, Help, Help... That's all you scream, yet no one hears. Maybe thats why you don't hide it away because you know you enjoy the feeling, you selfish machine.

{-}

' I told you I have nothing to do with this."

Lies, it hurts. Hurts more than the truth, and truth breaks you. So why lie, why keep away the truth, why hurt yourself. 

"Kiss my ass!!!"

Louis saw red. His heart beating fast and consuming him. He shouldn't have lied, it would have been the right thing to do. Not lie and work on making it up, or even being forgiven. Yet here again he's lying at the person he loves, or well if you could call their fucked up relationship that. Harry saw through him, like a book being read without any resistance. He didn't li- wait no scratch that, he loathed it. He also could see through Harry, which Harry hated as well. Harry shook his head and sighed a long sigh.

"Well, harry, if you truly know the truth tell me it then!" Louis screamed hard and loud.

Really Louis was scared shitless at what Harry was going to say. He wanted him to just drop it and forgive him from what he kept on doing most of the nights. He expected the worst, but hope was there, a little.

"Your such a fucking child!!! But if thats what you want then I'll tell you, you were fucking some random chick in the bathroom of that club and then took her home here to fuck her, IN OUR BED!"

The silence was awkward and heavy, tension filled the room and everything seemed to come to a stop. How fucking ironic. Louis' shoulders slumped and he sighed, it wasn't the first time this happened. Sure wouldn't be the last for now. Louis walked over, slowly, to Harry.

"Look it was a mistake, I really didn't mean to, I'm so sorry baby. You know I love you."

Harry wasn't stupid, he knew Louis was perfectly capable of pushing her away. Harry loved Louis and it scared him how he always seemed to fall for the _'I love you'_ and giving in but this time he wouldn't, not today and never again.

"Louis just get out." His voice soft and calmed like his face.

Louis' eyes widen and he almost was startled. He was still trying to figure out what was happening, what Harry said was scaring him.

"Wait, you can't just kick me out of _our_ house."

"Well then just walk out and go away."

Again they were back to step one and it was a never ending fight between them. Louis didn't move and he challenged Harry to do something. Harry sighed and moved towards Louis. Facing him he looked at Louis and just stared, he stared at how amazing Louis was and what made him so beautiful. Harry placed a hand on Louis' cheek and stroked the skin. Louis staring at him as hard and letting him do anything. 

"You know I love you Louis but this has been going on for too long and I won't bare it any longer."

"Let me just hold you one more night."

Harry sighed and nodded, slowly removing his hand. He let Louis guide him to bed and was consumed by the warmth of the blankets and Louis. His cheek against Louis' chest and he felt Louis' heart thumping slowly putting him to sleep. He felt Louis stroking his hair, telling him promises that would soon be broken the very next day.

Those were just faint memories.

* * *

 

 _'_ Oh my God  
You'll never be as beautiful without me.  
Beauty needs an animal to breathe,  
and baby you'll be alright as long as I'm not.  
So do that dance in the dark,  
sharpen your teeth and bite as hard as you want.'


End file.
